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awkward massage session….

February 9, 2010

So awkward I had to write a freakin’ blog about it.  Earlier today I went in for a traditional Thai full body massage somewhere nearby my house.  It is a pretty busy place and it was my first time there.  For those of you who’s never had traditional Thai massage it is a combination of relaxing massage combining with contorting tortures, but it definitely gets rid of knots and muscle pain.  So the masseuse I had seemed like a nice lady.  I didn’t really feel her though.  Every time she contorted me, I felt like she was focus on breaking a part of my body. At one point, I thought she was seriously going to break my ankle right off.  Didn’t want to be seen as a wuss, I just grinded my teeth and took it like a man (inside begging that she would kill me instead). When she didn’t have to contort me, she would just lightly rub her finger on my skin.  That’s not really a massage either, I could just do that at home and rub my face.  Then, there was the awkward butt massage. She was moving towards gray areas that I would even be uncomfortable with my gynos.  Just when I was praying that the 2 hours of  massage would fly by already, the unthinkable happen. I mean, c’mon y’all gotta at least have this thought in your mind “what would happen if someone farts, during this most quiet relaxing time right now?” Just then, I heard this unmistakable fart sound let out.  It was not by me.

………

……………………………………..

At that point, I think my masseuse was already hovering somewhere over me. I sunk my face in the pillow.  The only reaction that came to my head was a big bag of “BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and leave the room.

The masseuse didn’t even have any reaction to that and kept on massaging.  I didn’t want to be rude so I bravely held it in.  But I began to convulse.  Each time I tried to hold in my laughter, I had to think of cute animals being decapitated and dead bodies.  It didn’t do much help, I still was inches away from an outburst.

Time went by, I practiced my breathing.  I just focused on the pain of being contorted followed by “O F***, what’s next?!” and “Is this over yet?!”

It was the most bizarre massage session ever, and I survived to tell the story.

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